Thanks to Jess, who always puts a smile on our faces. What’s been your most glamourous babywearing moment?

Today, we’re getting serious again. There’s not much more serious than discussing how to survive a nuclear war (except on this blog). Next week, we’ll talk about discussing a post apocalyptic war-zone, which is quite a different kettle of fish carrier stash.

In order to survive a nuclear war, babywearer-style, it’s quite simple. You need a bomb-proof carrier. Certain wraps have that reputation, as do certain ring slings and mei tais. Check your favourite babywearing forum for suggestions.

Once you have enough bomb-proof carriers for the entire family, you need to consider your options. This is a good occasion to justify a large, albeit simple, stash.

You may like to build a bomb-shelter out of your bomb-proof carriers. A simple wrap tent will be able to cover a reasonable number of people and supplies, however beware of fall out concerns. The wrap may be bomb-proof, but is it rated for radiation? You may like to take some precautionary measures, such as removing the casings from all the microwaves in the neighbourhood and using those to line your bomb-proof tent.

If mei tais are more your thing, you may wish to tie one onto each member of the family to act as body armour in the event of a bomb-strike. Ring slings have the dual advantage of not only providing protection from falling ordinance, but the rings can also be used as pulleys for post-apocalypse reconstruction- more on that next time.

Above all, do not panic. A babywearer is always prepared for any emergency, so keep that bomb-proof carrier within arm’s reach and when the time comes, remember to be creative!

What’s your favourite bomb-proof carrier? What’s it lived through? Leave a comment and let us know!

Most babywearing manufacturers are adamant that swimming is not something you should be doing while babywearing. If it was something that ever came up, swimming in a shark-infested tank would definitely be high on the verboten list. However, a family wedding is, essentially, a shark-infested evening, complete with a pair of shoes that cut into your feet and canapes. Frankly, I wouldn’t dream of leaving my sling behind, no matter how many sharks there are. Sharks are one thing, a tired heavy baby is an altogether different danger.

Family weddings are dangerous. We all know this. Family weddings are the coral reefs of  our social lives: vibrant, colourful, dependent on weather patterns and full of creatures with an insatiable desire to attack weaker prey. You need to be aware of how you can be in danger during this event and how to protect yourself. To this end, I have compiled a list of some of the most common strategies employed by the sharks in this habitat and offered some advice on how you can deal with them.

Danger #1: When they attack from behind

They circle in silently, grey faced and grim; intent on their prey: YOU. Then, when you least expect it BAM! They grab your carrier as you’re trying to get your little one on your back, give a yank and you end up slipping a disc trying to stop the baby from landing on its head.

Statistics show that 99.9% of relatives are invariably well meaning. So, whenever they see a poor soul “struggling” with any sort of carrier, they circle in to help. Without telling you, they grab anything that looks like it ought to be grabbed. We all know how dangerous this can be. The reason for this curious behaviour is really quite simple, they never had “those things” in “their days”. (Looms, apparently, are a new invention!) They’re interested, that’s all.

The only way to protect yourself is to either swim in a school (i.e. have your partner or a trustworthy person designated as a sentry) or, to get your child onto your back with your back against the wall or an item of furniture. Be aware of this kind of sneak attack- vigilence or a safe place to toss the baby is your only hope!

Danger #2: The feeding frenzy

This is when there’s a group of them, each taking a bite from the victim one at a time. It goes something like this:

Shark One: “Ohhh, I’ve never seen that before, where did you get it?”

Shark Two: “Aren’t you worried that he/she will never learn to crawl/walk/solve differential equations if you use that thing?”

Shark Three: “Oh, I’m sure he/she will learn to [insert vital milestone here] in spite of that contraption! But doesn’t it hurt your back?”

Shark One: “Oh, I’m sure his/her back is fine. It’s a young back. But you won’t be able to do that for much longer!”

Shark Two: “So how many of those things do you have?”

Shark Three: “More than one?! My goodness, we are a hedonistic, narcissitic, consumerist spendthrift, aren’t we?”

And so on.

Protecting yourself in these circumstances is difficult, as you’re being mauled one bite at a time. There are only two options: fight or flight.

The flight option goes something like this: move very quickly away from the school of sharks while saying over your shoulder, “Oh, dear, nappy to change, must go, you’re absolutely right, everyone else is a better parent than me and my children will almost certainly drop out of highschool/do drugs/become inveterate criminals but I’d like to cuddle them as much as possible before their inevitable death by firing squad in a small despotic African nation.”

The fight option requires you to stand your ground and punch the sharks in the nose one at a time. To take our example above, the correct response is: “On the internet. No. No. As long as we both want to. Lots. Yes and bite me.”

Your preferred strategy is, of course, up to you.

Danger #3: A stealthy predator

This situation means you don’t know you’re being attacked until the bite has been taken. The mauling occurs as disguised praise of another (innocent) relative who is parenting children. The upshot is either (a) because you’re doing it differently, you’re doing it wrong or (b) because you’re doing it differently, they’re doing it wrong and are therefore a bad parent, how could you say such a thing about Cousin Jackie?

No matter how often you explain that you’re doing it differently not better and that what works for your kids doesn’t necessarily work for everyone else’s; your sling, your stroller (or your lack of a stroller), your cot (or your lack of a cot), your cloth nappy (or your disposable or your lack of nappies altogether), your bottle or the fact that you have a breast which lactates is, inevitably a black mark (or a string of them) against you. There is only one option.

Shark fin soup.

Who loves a family wedding? Leave a comment and let us know!

It’s tandem babywearing month at BCD blog and who are we to pass up a little celebrity fixation?

We all know that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are happy to use slings and carriers to keep their six children safe and happy. But has anyone ever seen a photo of Angelina or Brad carrying more than one child at once in slings?

This is the closest thing I could find. Kind of amusing, I guess. From weird celebrity art blog Gallery of the Absurd.

For other posts on tandem wearing, see Ruby’s post on wearing her newborn twins and Sarah’s post on wearing her toddler and infant together. How many kids can you wear at once? Can anyone outdo Lara Croft? Share in the comments section below!

The first in a series of posts focusing on things that you really, really need to know but never thought to ask; we bring you the basics on babywearing during and after a zombie apocalypse.

I used to think that the most important protection I could ever give my children was love (you’ve read Harry Potter, right?). Or possibly good nutrition (you’ve read Rosemary Stanton, right?). I was wrong. It’s babywearing.

The zombie apocalypse is a fait accompli. Others have made some excellent suggestions about why babywearing is vital in the face of the apocalypse,  but this post seeks to enlighten you, the responsible babywearer, about what you need to know when that time comes. We will cover three important topics in this post: optimal stash selection for the apocalypse and beyond, apocalypse preparation and making do in the world of tomorrow.

Optimal stash selection for the apocalypse

One thing is vitally important to note come the apocalypse: FSOT will be the first societal convention to collapse. That pamir or silk nino you’ve been so carefully hoarding will have no value whatsoever, except in the way you can use it. Hence damaging an expensive carrier is no longer a problem, so long as it is functional. You need carriers that are tough, durable, flexible and able to withstand both growing children and hordes of salivating revanants.

Ideally, you will have prepared in advance for the apocalypse and will be an accomplished babywearer in all fields: mei tais, SSCs, ring slings and wraps. Your personal taste should be accounted for, but it is worthwhile stepping out of your comfort zone to other carriers in order to be fully prepared for the apocalypse. Bear in mind that your apocalyptic stash should be small, as you will be unlikely to be able to carry large numbers of carriers in addition to zombie fighting equipment and children.

Some points worth noting when building a stash worthy of the apocalypse:

• You will need to keep your own and your wearee’s visibility to a minimum. Bright splashes of cerise are unlikely to contribute to your overall protective camouflage. However, there ought to be plenty of natural dyes around during the apocalypse which will decrease your visibility (i.e. there’s going to be a lot of dirt during the apocalypse, that’s one thing I’m sure of).
• Since invariably whatever vehicle one is travelling in will break down/be broken down by zombies, fleeing the undead will take some serious walking/running. You will need supportive fabrics, designs and weaves. You will be wearing these carriers for a long time to come and will need to do some very strenuous activities while wearing them (fighting off zombies while bouncing a toddler to sleep for a start). As a result, you may experience considerable wear and tear on your carrier in addition to an awesome workout. Use the stroller to carry essential supplies. In case of direct attack, abandon the stroller and still have your wearee(s) attached to you for a quick escape.
• Bear in mind that flame is a traditional method of fighting zombies. Fabrics with fire retardant properties such as wool will be a significant advantage for the safety of your wearee.
• It is traditional for zomebies to attack either in the northern hemisphere where it’s always cold or during a cold spell. I think this is to minimise decomposition of the undead. So it is unlikely you will need to choose carriers in order to avoid heat stroke. However, since one is always displaced from the home and, indeed, shelter in such situations, bear this in mind when choosing carrier type and fabric. For example, a Vatanai wrap would be excellent for a desert trip to a volcano to destroy any magic rings that may need disposal, however it would not be as warm or supportive as, say, a storchenwiege during the cold nights of a zombie apocalypse.

Apocalypse preparation

It’s no good obtaining a suitable apocalyptic stash if you dash out to the post office to send off a traded carrier and find yourself without a sling on the morning of the apocalypse. You need to be prepared at all times.

Wherever you go, make sure you have the most important elements of your apocalyptic stash, however you have identified them. Whether or not that’s your size three wrap or your trusty Kozy, have one with you at all times, either on you, in the car or stashed into the daycare bag. You can also have food, warm clothing and such if you really feel it’s necessary for survival.

Making do in the world of tomorrow

Eventually, even the hardest-wearing pikkolo may get a hole in it, or more likely, after wearing it for 469 days straight, you may feel like a change. Alternatively, you may need to use it to anchor a boat or something. What are you going to use to carry your kid?

Unfortunately, during and after the apocalypse, it’s likely that internet access is going to be very sketchy for most people and supportive forums such as Baby Carriers Downunder may not be running at optimum capacity for advice and advocacy. You need to be aware of alternatives to standard babycarriers before the apocalypse.

Here are some links to illustrate common, everyday items that can be used in place of babycarriers:

• a bedsheet works well as a short wrap
• a towel is also suitable and has numerous other uses, as detailed by Douglas Adams (thanks to a BCD member for pointing this out!)
• the mamatoto project has some excellent videos on making do in an emergency. They’re not expecting an apocalypse, but the same ideas apply.

Conclusion

The zombie apocalypse is coming. You need to be prepared. I hope that this post has informed you of some of the choices you will need to make in the meantime.

Further zombie related resources

• Zombiesarecoming.com
• Zombie Survival and Defense wiki

What emergency are you preparing for? Are you ready for aliens to attack? Vampires? Werewolves? Preparing for a flock of penguins to launch a flotilla from Phillip Island with the intent to conquer the mainland? Leave a comment and share your own brand of insanity!